wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So gin and wine won't be happening again
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
