Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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