She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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