God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
