Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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