your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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