I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize