I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
