he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
