I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
