The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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