I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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