Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
