Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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