Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
