Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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