i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize