I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
