he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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