Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize