I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
