We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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