you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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