some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
