i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
