Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
