Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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