either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
