A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
