I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
