Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
