This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
