Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
