I think I died a long time ago.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
