So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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