Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
