Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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