Plan B is the new Plan A
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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