Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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