I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
