We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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