Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
