Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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