i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
