Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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