I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
