Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
