I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
