so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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