Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
