So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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