i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
