I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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