Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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