One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Vodka?
Forever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
