the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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