I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
