Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
