I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
